Last week I wrote about having a calloused heart. If you haven’t already done so, you can read that post here. I want to briefly follow up so that we don’t get stuck. God doesn’t just want to identify the problems in our lives. He wants to heal us. So, let’s take a look at what we can practically do if we are struggling with a calloused heart.

1) Ask God for help

If you’re not used to doing it, the idea of praying can seem very overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. God doesn’t only listen or respond when we pray for an hour or say all the right things. In fact, he already knows what we need before we ever open our mouths.

Sometimes when we’re struggling with something, it can be hard to go to God with that thing because we feel like he’s disappointed in us. That is exactly the time when we should go to God in prayer. He’s not looking for fancy words. He’s looking for a sincere heart. Sometimes I say, “God, I don’t want to be praying right now, but I need help and I know that you’re the One who can help me. Please change my heart and help me to want to be the person you’re calling me to be.”

We can all change but not on our own. The Holy Spirit is the one who empowers us to obey the Word of God and to turn away from our sin. Acknowledge that your heart is calloused and ask him to soften it.

2) Be intentional

When my heart has become hard, the last thing I want to do is to read the Bible. Yet, that is precisely what I need. Most of the time, I don’t even want to hear the word ‘intentional’. If we wait until we feel like spending time with the Lord again, we could be waiting for a long time. Instead, let’s recognize that we can’t afford to be led solely by our emotions. With our mind and will we can choose to go and sin no more.

When you do what you know to do, you are giving the Holy Spirit permission to change your heart. It definitely takes effort, but we can pray, give thanks and worship even when we don’t feel like it. We can choose to meditate on the Bible so that the soil of our hearts becomes supple and the seeds of God’s Word start to take root in our lives.

3) Make a change

When we’re in a rut, it’s important to take time to think about how we got there. We need to examine our lives so that we don’t keep doing the same things that caused the callouses to begin with. For example, did you recently take a high paying job to have more money, but now you feel like you are scattered and have less time for the Lord? Have you stopped attending your local Bible study, worship night or prayer group? Have you refused to forgive someone who did you wrong?

We may need to make a series of small changes to get back to where we need to be or it may take a drastic life change. Either way, we will only succeed if we are led by the Holy Spirit and make the changes he asks us to.

4) Open up

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16, NIV).

I find that when I first try to make a change, my initial desire is often drowned out by all my responsibilities and the comforts of life. That is why it is so important to make yourself accountable to someone. Sometimes we don’t want anyone to know that we are struggling in a particular area or we want to wait until we’ve overcome it to share. Do you have a pastor, teacher or believing friend that you can share with and confide in? Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom to know who you can trust.

Have you been struggling with a calloused heart? What are some of the practical steps you are taking to break free?

 

I’ve been doing a lot of walking now that the weather is warmer. As a result, my foot started to hurt. I wasn’t sure what to do about the problem and felt like I didn’t have time to deal with it. I even tried switching to new shoes, but nothing helped. So, I decided to ignore the issue and keep walking.

Not long ago, I went for another walk and was thrilled. My foot didn’t hurt anymore. I felt way better and was able to walk with confidence.

This may seem like a happy ending to a somewhat trivial story. Maybe it is a testament to my endurance and faith to be able to press through something difficult and still accomplish what I needed to in the end. That sounds great, but that’s definitely not it.

When I go walking now, I don’t feel anything, but when I look at my feet with a critical eye, I see that the callous is still there. Just because I stopped feeling it doesn’t mean the issue went away. My foot stopped hurting because my callous grew harder.

Do you have any areas of your heart that have grown dull? Have you stopped hearing the Holy Spirit speak to you about a particular sin, or just in general? Just because you don’t hear or feel conviction anymore doesn’t mean that the problem is no longer there. Actually, it’s probably gotten worse.

I haven’t been spending time with the Lord like before. There used to be times when I would rush home and go straight to my room to pray and worship. I used to want to dance before the Lord and never thought of getting up early as a chore. I used to listen to Christian music all the time so that my heart would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Lately, I haven’t felt that same desire. At first, it bothered me, but lately, I’ve been feeling very indifferent about it. “I live a busy life,” I say to myself. “I don’t have the time or inclination to do the things I did before.” In other words, I have backslidden.

Backslide

1. Relapse into bad habits, sinful behaviour or undesirable activities (Dictionary.com)
2. To start doing something bad after you have stopped it (Merriam Webster)

Are there any areas of your heart that have become calloused? Maybe you feel fine, but is that because your past issues have been dealt with or have you ignored them for so long that the pain has simply been repressed?

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world (James 4:8, NLT)

Let’s take time to really look at our lives. We may not feel as though anything is misaligned, but let’s ask the Holy Spirit to shed light on the different areas of our soul and to bring to mind issues that need to be addressed.

The beauty of the Lord is that He loves us enough to bring these things to our attention. Even if we don’t feel the distance, He does. He longs for deeper communion and fellowship with us even when we don’t want it from him.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2, NLT).

I am walking down the street and overhear a girl talking to her friend about her brand new, shiny student loan. She is about to start her first year of college after working during the summer. She has saved up enough money to pay for the semester, but really wants to use some of the loan money to go shopping. My ears perk up and I feel an immediate sense of foreboding. She is me. This is a modern, more technologically savvy version, but just as unwise when it comes to finances as I ever was.

I feel this sudden urge to do something. I fight it. I want to help, to save her from 10 years of life as an indebted college graduate, but what will I say? Is there a way to get my point across without exposing my own financial failings and/or being that creepy stranger who listens to conversations and then comments on them?

I decide to say one of those silent prayers I typically say when I think I’m supposed to do something that I don’t really want to do. It’s not long before the right opportunity presents itself. Her friend is gone and we have apparently been heading in the same direction.

Me:      Hi. Sorry, I happened to overhear part of your conversation. You mentioned something about a student loan….” [Interpret as: I was desperately straining to hear every word you said while simultaneously trying not to appear as though I was eavesdropping].

Her:     Hi. I thought you were listening… [Note to self: Must do a better job of remaining incognito… or must mind my own business. Whatever works].

Me:      Yeah. Well, I know it’s none of my business, but you might want to consider using your earnings to pay for school and not going shopping with the student loan money. Trust me, it’s not worth it. It may seem like a great idea right now because you can buy what you want, but when you’re my age and you’re still trying to pay it back, it’s not pretty.

Her:     I thought that they gave you a grace period….

Me:      Yeah, for six months and then you have to pay with interest. It’s not as easy as you might think. Listen, I bought a Discman with my student loan money and now I’m still paying for it years later.

Her:     What’s a Discman?

Me:      [Sigh] Exactly.

Her:     [Laughs]

Me:      It was a CD player that I had to have when I got my student loan money. Trust me. This isn’t a road you want to go down. If you can work to pay for school, please try to do that. I don’t want you to end up in the same situation as me.

She actually nodded and thanked me. That’s how I knew I had made the right decision. I felt like she understood.

The question is, do I? That situation happened several months ago, and yet, here I am continuing to buy mid-week meals with my credit card. Have I really learned my lesson or am I repeating the same mistakes? I no longer have that pesky student loan, but at times, I still spend more money than I make. I’m still in debt.

Debt is the noose around your neck that no one talks about. It makes you a slave to your past choices and hinders your growth and potential without you even knowing it. Did you just spend your opportunity to be generous to someone in need on another latte? What about that dream vacation you’ve been meaning to take? Did you spend that money five years ago on a brand new couch you didn’t need?

Every time we spend money, we are making a choice. It’s hard for me to see it that way, but it’s the truth. We are saying that whatever we want to spend our money on right now is more important than something else we may want or need in the future. It may not seem like a big deal when you by that cookie, but what about when those cookies add up to not having savings, or a car or the down payment for your own home? Where is my down payment? For a long time, it was on my credit cards – the same place where my car has been.

Romans 12:2 is not just about renewing your mind in terms of spiritual discipline. It’s about applying the principles that are outlined in the scriptures to our lives, including the area of finances.

My mind is still being renewed in this area and I have a ways to go. I truly shudder when I think about some of the financial decisions I’ve made in the past. It’s been a long and difficult road, but with God’s help, I’ve been making a slow recovery.

With that in mind, I’d like to leave you with a few truths I wish I had embraced when I was younger.

Dear younger me,

1. Student loans are not free money. You will have to pay them back – with interest or die trying.
2. The Lord’s mercy endures forever, but the student loan offices’ does not. Your grace period will run out.
3. Run; don’t walk away from the people on campus offering you free stuff in exchange for a credit card sign up. You don’t really need that ‘free’ hat.
4. Chocolate is not tuition. Neither is a pair of shoes. Student loan money is for tuition, books and transportation, if absolutely necessary. If you want a new anything, don’t buy it with your student loan money.
5. Save. Repeat.
6. Apply for as many scholarships and bursaries as you can.
7. Trust God to provide, not your student loan or line of credit.

In a perfect world, we would all have enough money to attend college or university without the need for student loans. If you are already in debt, though, don’t panic. God’s mercies are new every morning. Let’s make the decision today to be wise with our spending and to trust God to provide.

Are you struggling with debt? How has it affected your life and what steps are you taking to break free?

On Friday, February 22, 2008, my life changed forever….

Today’s post is a bit of a departure from my usual style, but I hope it helps you visualize my perspective on being a crime victim. This story is long overdue. Yet again, I’m ashamed to say that I let insecurities about my writing ability overpower the desire to share my testimony and give God the glory. So let me finally be clear: If it wasn’t for the life-sustaining power of Jesus Christ, I would not be here. In fact, my entire family would be dead.

_________________________________________________________________________

She was staring down the barrel of a gun. The crisp February evening air had suddenly turned bitter cold.

“Get inside!” yelled one of the gunmen. Trailed at a distance, she walked cautiously up the driveway, treading through the snow that she was yet to shovel.

I heard as my mother entered the house. I jumped out of bed, suddenly awake after a short nap.

They were back. I couldn’t see them, but I knew. It was the tone of her voice. Different – warning me that something was wrong.

“We don’t have anything” she cried, in a feeble attempt to ward them off. I rushed to the phone and dialed 9-1-1. Without listening for a response, I hid it in a corner on the floor, the receiver off the hook. It was time to put years of Hollywood moving-watching to good use. I was going to hide in the one place I prayed the robbers wouldn’t look – the darkened bathroom.

I tread lightly with lightning speed. The door to the second-storey bathroom closed gently behind me and the lock clicked into place. I was surrounded by black. Darkness overshadowed me, magnified by fear and the erratic beating of my heart.

A door slammed nearby, but that wasn’t enough to keep them out. I could practically see the hinges as they were forcefully ripped from the far-off door frame. I heard another family member’s trembling voice. They had my father.

My silent words were filled with a litany of emotions. Please don’t let them find me. It was a prayer for preservation that only God could hear. Only He could answer.

“Where’s your daughter?” a voice demanded.

“She’s at church,” came my father’s reply. God bless him. And he probably wasn’t even lying. That’s usually where you could find me.

Footsteps receded down the hallway and thudded down carpeted stairs, away from where I was hidden. It was only a matter of time, I guessed, before they located my brother in the basement.

A sea of emotions tossed within me like a tempest. Unbidden tears trickled down my face as I imagined the worst. What a coward I was, hiding when my family needed my help! Yet, I was helpless to save them. Not, I reasoned later, because hiding was the safe thing to do. Rather, it was the only thing I could do. Fear had gripped and immobilized me. My limbs were frozen in place, my ears attuned like a wild animal.

Seconds were hours. Muffled voices were getting clearer.

“Where’s your sister?”

“I don’t know. I thought she was here,” my brother replied.

Should I kill him now or later, thought? Not a very funny joke considering the circumstances. At any rate, the robbers were appeased by his response. They didn’t ask for me again.

I heard more shuffling then silence.

As I held my breath, there was a sudden, more welcoming sound. Sirens. Hope welled within me. Finally, these hoodlums would be caught red-handed. No more wondering who they were or when they would turn up next. No more looking over my shoulder. It was all about to come to an end. Or so I thought.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. My door. A statue, I waited silently.

“Andrea?” It was my brother. I ignored him. I couldn’t respond even if I wanted to.

“They’re gone.”

His two words brought with them a flurry of feeling. My heart was mixed with relief and dread. They were gone. But the sirens I had heard hadn’t been for me.

Cautiously, I turned the knob and peaked outside. There stood my brother, alone. I looked into his eyes and saw the weariness that I felt.

Seemingly safe from harm at the moment, I snapped into action. Leaving my brother’s side, I rushed to the phone. Surely, the police had heard everything.

“Hello, hello?” I begged.

A brusque woman came to the line. After a brief exchange, she admonished me.

“You should have stayed on the phone.”

I’ll remember that the next time I’m running for my life, I thought disgustedly.

Careful to keep the impatience out of my voice, I told her what I had heard and provided my address. But they didn’t need it. Strange authoritative voices coming from downstairs signaled the police’s arrival.

Descending the stairway, I breathed a sigh of relief. They were all there. My family. And save for the goose egg that was forming on my brother’s left temple, they were visibly shaken yet physically unharmed. In that moment, nothing else mattered. As I flew to their side, relief and gratitude drowned out the din.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1, NIV)

I went to a spoken word show late last year, and was both inspired and convicted by the authenticity of the artists. They openly shared their testimonies through the gift that God gave them. Although I’ve felt called to do the same, I’ve been ashamed of my sin and too worried that I would be judged to complete this post. And to be honest, I’ve been more concerned about my Christian friends and family judging me than anyone else.

Satan is a master manipulator. Once he’s deceived you into falling, he turns to blackmail so that you will stay silent. I’ve been afraid to expose my sin, forgetting that the shame has already been covered by the blood of Jesus. So today, on resurrection Sunday, I’ve decided to finally post this message.

I’m writing especially for the young girls and women who may be struggling with sexual sin. Lust is for everyone. Satan doesn’t discriminate. He doesn’t say that men can have problems with masturbation, pornography and addiction but he will leave the women alone. The enemy wants you to stay in darkness because that’s where he dwells. He doesn’t want you to confess so that you can’t be healed and delivered. He would much rather that you smile and pretend at church on Sunday when really, you feel like you’re fighting a losing battle.

For YEARS, I went to church, raised my hands, then used those same hands to masturbate, pleasing myself instead of God. I would sing that I wanted God’s will to be done, when I really desired to have my own way. And what’s worse is that I wouldn’t admit it. I would pray to God, cry at the altar and ask for help to change. But I didn’t want anyone to know about my sin. I wouldn’t go for prayer or confess openly. I didn’t want to be accountable.

The truth is, lust excited and stirred me. It began with curiosity about certain movie scenes. Then it moved to trashy romance novels, blogs, late night television and Internet porn. I said I was a believer, but my heart far from believed the truth about who I was created to be and what God’s Word says:

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23, NLT)

I didn’t truly believe that verse until I started reaping death in my life. I was sowing seeds of iniquity and bore the fruit of isolation, loneliness, shame, condemnation, anxiety, suicidal tendencies and separation from God.

Make no mistake about it. Masturbation is a sin. You may be reading this and wondering what the harm is. If it’s just you, what does it matter? You’re not hurting anyone, right? Wrong.

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, NLT)

When we masturbate, we are using our bodies in a way that God never intended – perverting God’s original design and purpose for sexual pleasure. Instead of opening ourselves up to intimacy with the Lord or another human being, we are turning our attention inward. As a result, we become our own God and push away the Father’s love, covering, protection and blessing.

I would complain to God that I wanted to be married and have a godly husband. I blamed him for not bringing those things into my life, all the while pursing sinful actions that blanketed me in shame and fear. It became increasingly difficult for me to believe that a Godly man would want me because I was living a double life.

Like me, you may be in a cycle of shame and regret. It’s important to recognize that guilty feelings aren’t the same as repentance. Repentance is to change your mind about the sin.

Be honest with your Heavenly Father about what is really going on. Tell him that you love the sin more than you love him and his word. Tell him that you are having a hard time letting go because your flesh is enjoying the sin.

You may be struggling with feeling dirty or ashamed, believing that God can’t love you or that other believers won’t accept you once they know the truth. It may also be that deep within your soul, you don’t feel worthy to receive the gift that God freely gave: The death and resurrection of his son. Make the choice today to believe that you can have a new life. It’s time to come out of the darkness.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV)